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Anxious attachment craves reassurance, closeness, and quick repair. Avoidant attachment craves space, independence, and emotional distance when stressed. According to Dr. John Gottman’s research on couples, this creates what’s called a pursue withdraw pattern. The more the anxious partner pursues (“Can we talk about this? Why are you distant?”), the more the avoidant partner withdraws to regulate themselves. And the more they withdraw… the louder the anxiety gets. It’s not that they don’t care.
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